High tea at The Ritz

 Bring your own Tupperware 

I had my reservations about taking part in this display of over indulgent peacockery... but as it was my Nana's 80th birthday I paid my £65 and vowed not to eat breakfast that morning so I could do justice to shoving as much white bread and sugar down me as possible before developing type 2 diabetes.

I arrived to find my party already partaking in a pre-tea tipple and so I joined in and ordered a single Amaretto; mistake No.1 -  Always ask the price, I discovered later this drink cost me £16.

We were taken to our table to the sound of a man playing a large harp and once we were seated there was high class singing and they sang happy birthday to my nan and bought her a lovely cake (which we asked for them to put it in a box so we could take it home...).

We were given egg, cucumber, chicken, ham, salmon, cheese sandwiches on white bread fingers (some of the fingers tried to pretend to be brown, by adding caraway seeds and a bit of dye). To be honest I would expect to find this level of culinary delights at a 5 year old's birthday party, but I'm hungry because I have starved myself and they taste great washed down with a large pot of lapsang souchong. We also received some cream cakes and scones, and a glass of champagne. We were offered more cake on a trolley by a man with white gloves, dandruff and look of contempt that would end in stiff words in any other situation than my nans birthday. 'Lemon drizzle madam'? he said, managing to keep the plum firmly in his mouth; I politely refused his challenge; I was beaten and decided to go to the powder room (or toilet as its known in lesser circles).

Very disappointed in the facilities! Pink and jaded (a bit like me after all that sugar); they did not have one item that was branded so that I could have a little keepsake for my nans scrapbook. At these prices, you would think they could just invest in some toilet paper that has the Ritz stamped into it wouldn't you? Anyway, we had our fun and took photos of ourselves reading Mayfair magazine on the powder room sofa, ignoring the disdainful glares of the lady working there. I think laughing might be legal here; but remember lady, a toilet is a toilet no matter where it is situated...

Back up to the dining room and time to leave... and to the moment that has bought me to bother to write this piece.

We were obviously defeated by the mountain of cake and sandwiches... a tricky situation for them, because too little and we feel cheated, we want to leave there feeling slightly sick and giddy. So they err on the side of satisfying our gluttonous needs (it is Christmas after all and that's what its all about right kids?).

A couple of days ago I had a conversation with someone and mentioned that I was going to bring a tupperware and they said, 'no! they will have boxes for that! There must be loads of people that cant eat everything'. 
'Of course'! I said reassured that a huge hotel, internationally known and catering for people in business and fans of fine wines and consumers of high culture would fully grasp how important it was to show that they had at least an understanding of sustainability and waste management. 

This was mistake no.2:  

We asked for a box to take away the left overs... and were told...

'No.We do not allow that'. 
I then politely asked 'So what do you do with the food'?

'We throw it away'.

'You throw away the food I paid for'?

'Yes, because of health and safety laws'...

'There are laws that say you cannot give people their own food to take away'?

'Yes, Since a customer got sick and sued us'

I asked if the lawsuit was  successful and he could not tell me. No doubt because that was complete nonsense. I informed him that I thought that the practice of throwing away that much food was disgusting and he thanked me and he and his colleagues had a good old laugh about it.I didn't dare ask how come we were allowed to take away my nans birthday cake.

Just for an idea on the amount of wastage we are talking about here... 

There are roughly 30 tables in this dinning area each having 1.5 - 2hour slots throughout the day. Our table alone left at least 9 scones, 5 mice pies, 2 cakes and some sarnies... 
So, times that by 30 and then again for between roughly 6 changes of parties per table every day of the week, almost every day of the year.

So, in a nutshell, it lived up to my expectations; waste, gluttony and a total disregard for anything other than showing off how much they just don't give a shit. All led by pompous farts with far to much money enjoying the feeling of having people stand there all day opening doors for them and calling them sir and madam.
There is so much more to London than this old relic, ripping people off for £60 each for some cheap white sarnies and a couple of cakes. 
I am slowly learning that my principles are there for me to take notice of and every time I ignore them through fear of upsetting someone else I end up feeling terrible that I took part in something that I loath and my taking part, even just once or for my lovely grans birthday means that this sort of greed and snobbery can continue unchallenged and I have just paid into it.  

BTW - I was hungry by the time I got home on the tube and went and got a lovely lentil soup from the Turkish restaurant up the road and paid £3 with flat bread and olives and pickles.